I have an idea

Ok, so I'm not scientifically or medically minded enough to actually MAKE this but, as a mom, I definitely can think it up!! :)
Someone needs to create a litmus strip type thing that is reasonably priced that parents can keep in their medicine cabinet and when their child is sick they stick it in the child's mouth and within 10 minutes (or less!) the result shows up clearly. I was thinking it needs to test for:
1) Virus (and which type!)
2) Bacteria (and which type!)
3) Ear infection
4) Sore throat caused by something other than virus or bacteria
5) Teething
6) Headache
7) Tummy ache
8) Something else hurts

Ok, so like I said, this will need to be created by someone other than me. However, I do ask that this person gives me credit for the idea and gives me part of the profit. There will be tons of profits!!!